Dad eats nothing but junk food.
Dear Grassflower: Dad has dementia and often says or does embarrassing things in public. Since I can’t take him out to eat any more, our outings have been to places like Sonic and McDonald’s. The problem is, now he won’t eat anything else. I’ve tried ordering pick-up from places like Applebee’s or Chinese take-out, but all Dad wants is tater tots and ice cream. I feel like he’s not getting enough nutrition, but if I order something that’s actually good for him, he won’t eat it. What should I do?
Talk to the staff about lunch and dinner.
If Dad’s in a dementia home, the staff probably have at least some instructions they have to follow about what they serve patients. And it makes sense: they’re in a position of responsibility for Dad’s care and likelier to be held accountable if they serve Dad something he’s allergic to, aggravates his diabetes, or causes trouble in some other way. But if Dad doesn’t like broccoli, he shouldn’t be forced into the choice of eating it or going hungry. See if the kitchen has any alternatives he DOES like, like corn or potatoes. If it has to be a green vegetable, see what else they can serve that he’ll eat. The downside is that they’re probably already thought of that.
Creatively adjust his food.
If you can manage to slip some extra whey powder into Dad’s milk for his Frosted Flakes, then you’ve snuck a little protein in. Same goes for adding peanuts to his ice cream sundae. You mentioned Chinese take-out…maybe he’ll eat some of the sweeter dishes like orange beef, which is basically just beef candy? Just a thought. You could even try TELLING him it’s a weird but fun kind of candy made out of steak. Worst case, he says “no.” Best case, you’ve found a way to get him to eat some protein. Is it what normal people would consider healthy? Probably not, but at this point I wouldn’t worry too much about tooth decay. At least he’s eating.
Eat with Dad and tell him how much YOU enjoy the food.
Kids growing up have a cautious relationship with food. They’ll put something in their mouth, and if it tastes good, they’ll eat more. With Dad, this process playing out in reverse. The stuff he used to like makes him cautious now. His sense of taste may be gone, or his ability to recognize what he’s eating. My mom used to love cereal, and then one day, she accused the staff of serving her “cold white soup.” At that point, she wouldn’t touch cereal. Before she reached that point, though, I would eat what I wanted her to eat, tell her how much I enjoyed it, and offer her tastes of “my” meal (it was actually hers!). Sometimes social cues can help folks with dementia see that something is enjoyable and make them likelier to try it.
Raise the appeal of Dad’s food.
I’m gonna say it out loud: some of the food they serve in dementia homes is like cafeteria food. It can be bland, mushy, and otherwise unappealing. Adding smells or spices Dad likes might raise the appeal. More butter, more garlic, more salt, more ranch dressing, more sugar–whatever it takes to get Dad to eat real food. Chances are the kitchen staff at Dad’s dementia home have a little extra of those kinds of things anyway.
Feed him what he’s willing to eat.
When it all comes down to it, nutrition in folks with dementia isn’t about getting the US RDA of vitamins and iron. It’s about getting them to eat at all. Try getting Dad to eat “normal” food using tricks like those above, but if it doesn’t work, skip to dessert. At least he’ll get some calories.
Be glad he’s eating.
Your Dad’s one of the lucky ones. For many folks with dementia, the ability to recognize and enjoy food can suddenly decline overnight, and that’s not a good sign, especially if they also lose appetite. I don’t know how old your dad is, but my guess is that for most of his life he’s made the dietary choices he’s wanted to, and it’s gotten him this far, so unless what he’s eating gives him an upset stomach or an allergic reaction, he is probably getting at least some carbs and fat into his system, which his struggling brain desperately needs.
