Dad leaves the refrigerator door open all night!

My dad is in his late 70s and has dementia. It’s not that bad, but we moved him in with us a few years ago just to keep him safe. The problem is, he gets up at night and wanders into the kitchen for a snack. Sometimes he gets one, sometimes not. But he will walk up to the fridge, open the door, and just stare at it for 20 minutes. After that, he walks away, leaving the door open. Yesterday I had to throw out some chicken I had thawing for dinner because everything in the fridge was like 50 degrees! How do I stop this?

Behavior patterns and likely causes

People with dementia are prone to certain behaviors they don’t seem to be able to stop on their own. Among them are:

• Sleep problems. Dad can’t sleep, or when he does, it’s frightening or confusing. Dad might also be having hallucinations that make him seem like he’s dreaming while awake. It’s also possible that something that agitated Dad during the day now has him up at night looking for a snack so he can calm down. Now that he’s in front of the fridge, he doesn’t know what he wants and is unable to find it, but he knows for sure that he doesn’t want to go back to bed.

• Agitation. This doesn’t have to be anything obvious, like complaining about people messing up the garage or throwing a fit about the flavor of ice cream he had for dessert. It can be little more than a “something’s not right” feeling.

• Disorientation. Dad doesn’t remember whose house he’s in, what he’s looking for, or where things normally are.

• Distraction. Dad can’t really carry a thought long enough to act on it, so he finds himself places he didn’t expect to be with no idea how he got there.

• Confusion. Dad’s watch is broken, so he goes to the kitchen to get a screwdriver. The most obvious place to look for it is in the back of the fridge. But so many tomatoes!

• Perseveration. Repeatedly doing or trying to do something. Often, they don’t know what it is, so when they get to where they felt they should be doing it, they don’t actually do anything. Yet the urge to complete whatever task it was remains.

Interestingly, these are all things my type 1 diabetic husband does when his blood sugar is dangerously low.

And I noticed those same signs in Mama after her dementia diagnosis. The solution in both cases was to get a cookie and a small glass of milk, sit at the kitchen table for a minute, and wait for things to calm down.

There are some theories now that what’s actually going on with people who have dementia is that parts of their brains are being starved of energy, so in a way, it makes sense. In fact, the relationship between Alzheimer’s and blood sugar problems is so strong that it’s been called “type 3 diabetes.”

Regardless, these are signs that something’s misfiring in your dad’s brain, and the fixes for the situation are going to be either medical or practical.

What you can do

There are really just a few practical solutions for dealing with your dad’s behavior: keep him from getting up and wandering into the kitchen or keep him out of the fridge.

Check or change his meds

Some dementia meds may cause agitation: for instance an incorrect dosage of SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) given to help with hallucinations may cause agitation as a side effect. Some antidepressants may have similar side effects. Stimulants such as coffee can cause agitation.

Benzodiazepines or other anti-anxiety drugs may calm Dad’s night wanderings, so talk to his doctor about his behavior and make sure he’s on the right meds and the right doses.

Get him a nighttime snack before bed

Food has an almost magical calming behavior. The carbs in a nighttime snack may help address low blood sugar issues (note: if Dad’s diabetic, make sure his blood sugar isn’t high first!).

Even if Dad doesn’t need the carbs or the blood sugar boost, the simple act of eating stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of our nervous system that’s most active when we’re calm. Eating calms us down physically, and where our bodies go, our minds often follow.

Do something fun before bed

Get out a board game. Have dessert. Whatever Dad enjoys and can manage. But FUN.

DO NOT let him watch the news or stare at TV shows that get him agitated. He’ll take it to bed with him, it’ll keep him from falling asleep, and you’ll be up at 2 AM deescalating his refrigerator dilemma.

Get a temperature alarm

Google “refrigerator alarm” or “freezer alarm.” They’re not cheap—typically $40-$60, but they pay for themselves by telling you when someone’s left the door open on the fridge or freezer or (in other situations) when the power has gone out and things are warming up too much.

Lock the refrigerator

If you’re losing hundreds of dollars of groceries because of Dad’s nighttime kitchen excursions, you may have no other choice.

Refrigerator locks ARE a thing. Pharmacies use them, as do some dementia care facilities. They’re cheap (usually around $20), and some are not that difficult to install. A lot depends on whether you want a more permanent solution or a more visually appealing one. Google “refrigerator lock” and have a look at the results.

When all else fails

At some point, Dad’s behavior may get so unmanageable that it’s causing YOU to lose sleep. Especially if Dad’s wanderings take him toward the front door and out into the yard at midnight to walk back to the house he used to own three states away, it may be time to look at custodial care models such as a dementia home. Typically at a dementia home, there’s always a nurse on staff, the doors are locked to prevent residents from wandering off and getting lost, and the atmosphere is dark, calm, and free of distractions and agitating, overwhelming stimuli.

Start looking at places like this now, and make sure your dad’s assets are available to pay for his care when you can no longer do it by yourself. If you haven’t already talked to a geriatric psychiatrist and an elder law attorney, start doing so, so that you can officially determine what care is best for Dad.

In the meantime, get him a cookie and some milk (if it’s still good!), close the refrigerator door, and walk him back to his bedroom. If it feels like something Dad would have done for you when you were a child, think of it not as a problem, but as your way of giving back.