Ask Grassflower Columns
Dad won’t eat.
90-year-old dad has had dementia for 5 years. He forgets people, repeats himself, the usual. He’s never been a big eater, but lately he barely touches food. The staff at his facility tell me it’s normal in the later stages of dementia. I guess I’m wondering if there are any tricks I can do to keep him eating, because if he doesn’t eat, he won’t be here long.
Read MoreSibs are “dumping” Mom on me while I’m already caring for sick, disabled husband.
Help! I grew up in a family of four kids. Mom needs dementia care and doesn’t have much savings, so we sibs debated who should take care of her. Since we agreed I’d take care of her, my husband’s contracted progressive neurological disorder. I work at home, which is why they suggested I care for Mom, but I don’t have the time or resources to take that on AND care for my husband. I feel awful, like I broke a promise, but I’m also at wit’s end. I can’t do it all!
Read MoreI’m worried I might have dementia and want to prepare my kids for it.
Hi, I’ve been having short-term memory problems for some time. I forget where I put stuff, what I was doing, and even certain words. My handwriting has gotten worse, I’ve forgotten to pay bills, and my organizing skills, which used to be good, have gone to hell in a handbasket. I’m only 68, and while I still can, I want to make it easy on my kids when they have to move me to a memory care facility. What should I be thinking about? I’d like to think I’m worrying for no reason, but that’s not what my gut tells me.
Read MoreDad lets political campaigns drain his bank account
Dad’s always been politically opinionated. He gets calls from dozens of campaigns and while balancing his checkbook I found $1000 in donations in one month! I think he’s slipping mentally. He’s fallen for phone scams and is easy prey. I’m trying to plan for his care and I’m concerned he won’t have enough savings when he needs to go to a care facility. What are my options? If I bring up guardianship or even being a signatory on his bank account, he says I’m after his inheritance and should “wait for him to die first.” I feel trapped.
Read MoreMom’s getting too much social stimulation.
Mom is a social wallflower. When we did the initial tour of her dementia facility, it seemed calm and quiet, with sunny spots where she could quietly read or take a nap. But the staff insist on having her participate in social events, which she hates. It just gets her agitated and it takes forever to calm her down. The staff say agitation is to be expected, and they want to increase her meds to calm her down. I think the problem IS the staff. Why can’t they just leave her in her room to enjoy peace and quiet?
Read MoreDad no longer remembers who I am.
Moved Dad into a memory care facility 3 years ago. I check on him every day, talk, and bring him a treat (usually donuts). He seems happy, but he has me confused with the nurses, and says his kids never visit any more. I’m there EVERY OTHER DAY! My heart is breaking that he can go on and on about how proud he is of the daughter he imagines while his REAL daughter is standing right there. I feel like the REAL me doesn’t matter. Please help.
Read MoreMom keeps telling Grandma that Grandpa’s dead.
Grandma has dementia and doesn’t remember that Grandpa “Bill” died 8 years ago. In the past I’ve told Grandma that Grandpa’s “gone to the store and will be right back”, or I change the subject, but Mom keeps reminding Grandma that Grandpa’s dead, and it upsets her all over again. Mom insists that the truth is the best thing and that it’s a sin to lie. Meanwhile, Grandma keeps re-experiencing the loss. of Grandpa. Please help! I don’t know how to get through to Mom!
Read MoreDad wears pajamas all day and doesn’t change clothes for a week.
After Mom died and it was clear that Dad couldn’t live alone, we moved him to a senior living place that lets residents age-in-place. They have dementia care housing and that’s where he is now. Lately, Dad sits around all day in his pajamas and won’t change clothes for a week. The staff don’t seem too concerned. I think it’s unsanitary and verges on neglect. Who’s right, and what do I do about it?
Read MoreMy husband with dementia has a “girlfriend.”
Husband “Carl” was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 2 years ago. I suspect he had it for some time, as I had been forced to take over paying bills and other tasks. He’d also wander off, get lost, and neighbors would find him a mile away. I moved him to a care facility last year and visit him every day. Lately, he thinks I’m his sister, and has a “girlfriend.” I know it’s not really “him,” but I feel betrayed and can’t continue like this. My heart is broken so many ways
Read MoreHusband with dementia has become violent and aggressive.
Husband has FTD and can be angry, paranoid and worse. Until now, I’ve written it off to the disease and tried to adjust things so he can stay at home. Last week, daughter brought her child to visit. Husband, who didn’t recognize his own daughter, claimed some strange woman was stealing his children. He got very angry, hit me, and threatened her with a gun! I called the police, who took him to a psychiatric unit. Now husband’s psychiatrist is saying it’s not safe for him to come home, and I’m finding it almost impossible to locate a dementia care facility that will take him as a resident.
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