Mom with dementia now has metastatic breast cancer.

82 yo Mom with dementia has been losing weight, having trouble breathing, and feeling very tired, also complains about chest pain. We thought it was just anemia, doc thought congestive heart failure, sent her for full exam, discovered breast cancer from her 50s had returned, now metastatic. He wants her on chemo and tamoxifen. Definitely not telling her she has cancer, but husband and I talked about tradeoffs between treatment and letting her just live out her life. I feel like I’ll hate myself no matter what we decide.

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My brother broke our agreement.

My estranged brother “Tim” wants to move mom with dementia to his house in AZ, out of state and away from her friends and family in MS. We had an agreement that I’d take care of her personally if he took care of her financially. Now that he’s moving her, I can’t travel thousands of miles to uphold my end. I feel like the decision was made without me. Every time I try to discuss it with Tim, we get into an argument and it makes it even harder to do anything for Mom.

What should I do?

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FIL’s dementia has taken turn for the worse.

FIL has been in dementia care for 4 years. He was somewhat lucid when admitted, but lately doesn’t recognize his children, thinks dead people are alive, and thinks cereal is “cold white soup.” He acts paranoid, sees people who aren’t there, gets irritated at little things, doesn’t sleep much, and tries to fight the staff. He’s only 68, I feel like I’m watching him die in real time, and I’m both wondering how much longer he’ll have and feeling horrible for hoping it will all be over soon. Please help.

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Sis says Mom has dementia, but I’m not so sure.

Mom’s in her 80s. Ever since Dad died two years ago, she has sat around the house doing nothing while dishes and laundry go undone and bills go unpaid. The house is also a mess. But she was like that BEFORE Dad died. HE paid the bills. My sister “Beth” says Mom has dementia. I think she’s just depressed, grieving, and lost, and Beth’s trying to order a naturally disorderly life. Our disagreement has already caused friction. DOES Mom have dementia? How can we tell for sure, and what do we do about it?

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Dad’s early onset dementia has made it weird at work.

Dad’s 57 and has early onset dementia and wife and I moving him to a group home. This has taken time away from work. The only people at work I’ve told so far are the HR manager, to find out if my benefits will cover him as a dependent. I don’t know what to say to my boss. I’m afraid he’ll assume I’m not available to work late, can’t travel, and will not consider me for promotions because of caring for Dad.

Dad might live another 40 years, and my own life is getting sucked into this tornado. What’s worse, I feel guilty, and can’t take even MORE time to talk to a therapist about it. I feel trapped.

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