Posts Tagged ‘Caregiver Responsibility’
I feel like whatever I do for Dad, it isn’t enough.
Dear Grassflower: Mom used to be a private person. But after her dementia diagnosis, she took to loudly badmouthing other races or nationalities, talking about her bowel movements, or something else equally unwelcome. Now, she’s cussing at the dog, telling the great-grands they’re “ugly little trolls” (one cried), and more. I don’t know how to explain to little kids that Mom’s off the reservation, and it breaks my heart that she probably can’t be trusted around anyone. Right now she’s living with my husband and me, but that won’t last, and it’s going to be a s***show when we have to move her to a home. Please help.
Read MoreAre you a “toxic” caregiver?
On the best days, taking care of Mom or Dad is a blessing. You get more time with them to see them as an adult and appreciate them for the sometimes messed-up human being they are. And sometimes, if you’re honest with yourself, the psychological burden of care can bend your own life out of shape and be harmful to others. You probably don’t even notice when it’s happening.
Here are some warning signs.
Read MoreNervous about visiting Dad after moving him to dementia care
Three weeks ago my husband and I moved my Dad to dementia care. He was lost and confused when we pulled up outside and a nurse helped him out of the car, but I think at some level he knew he wasn’t going home. I felt like a horrible person when we drove away to sort through the house and figure out what to keep or sell. I wanted to cry. I feel like all the little “therapeutic lies” we told him to get him to agree to the move were hardly worth the pain and guilt. I feel like a horrible traitor to everything Dad stood for. I keep telling myself, “at least he is safe now”, but it feels empty. Now we’re planning a visit and I don’t know what to say or do.
Read MoreI feel exhausted and heartbroken taking care of my husband.
DH was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s early last year. He used to be the “organizer” and paid bills, kept the house in order, etc. Since then, it’s been all I can do to cook, clean, feed him, pay the bills, keep the car running, and make sure he takes his meds. He, on the other hand, seems happily disconnected from the worries of the world, though I know that’s not the reality. We used to be very close, but since I became his caregiver, something’s changed, and I feel bad that mostly I feel alone, heartbroken (for him), and, if I’m honest, resentful for feeling cheated out of living my own life. I know I need some kind of therapy but good luck finding time for that.
Read MoreWhat should I talk about on my visits with Mom when most of what she says is repetitive nonsense?
My mom lives in a dementia home nearby, and I visit her twice a week. She’s a real talker, but most of what she says is repetitive, fragmented, and doesn’t make sense. It’s hard to just sit there listening to her babbling, but when I try to guide the conversation, it backfires sometimes. For instance, if I bring up what my sister is doing, she thinks it’s HER sister (who died 6 years ago) and asks why she hasn’t visited. Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to a squirrel! I’d appreciate any tips for how to talk to Mom or at least spend the time in a way she can enjoy.
Read MoreMom has dementia. Dad’s too sick to take are of her.
Mom and Dad live at home. Mom has dementia, and up until a few months ago, Dad’s taken care of her: paying the bills, reminding her to take her meds, driving her to doctor’s appointments, etc. Dad’s respiratory problems have gotten worse, to the point where he passes out even when he has his oxygen tank. His doctors have taken him off his meds and told him to make the best of his remaining time. He’s worried about Mom and has talked to her about moving into assisted living so they can continue to be together, but Mom absolutely refuses and keeps saying she’d rather die in her own home. I feel like this situation is unsustainable. What can I do about it?
Read MoreI’m worried I might have dementia and want to prepare my kids for it.
Hi, I’ve been having short-term memory problems for some time. I forget where I put stuff, what I was doing, and even certain words. My handwriting has gotten worse, I’ve forgotten to pay bills, and my organizing skills, which used to be good, have gone to hell in a handbasket. I’m only 68, and while I still can, I want to make it easy on my kids when they have to move me to a memory care facility. What should I be thinking about? I’d like to think I’m worrying for no reason, but that’s not what my gut tells me.
Read MoreMom with dementia now has metastatic breast cancer.
82 yo Mom with dementia has been losing weight, having trouble breathing, and feeling very tired, also complains about chest pain. We thought it was just anemia, doc thought congestive heart failure, sent her for full exam, discovered breast cancer from her 50s had returned, now metastatic. He wants her on chemo and tamoxifen. Definitely not telling her she has cancer, but husband and I talked about tradeoffs between treatment and letting her just live out her life. I feel like I’ll hate myself no matter what we decide.
Read MoreDad’s early onset dementia has made it weird at work.
Dad’s 57 and has early onset dementia and wife and I moving him to a group home. This has taken time away from work. The only people at work I’ve told so far are the HR manager, to find out if my benefits will cover him as a dependent. I don’t know what to say to my boss. I’m afraid he’ll assume I’m not available to work late, can’t travel, and will not consider me for promotions because of caring for Dad.
Dad might live another 40 years, and my own life is getting sucked into this tornado. What’s worse, I feel guilty, and can’t take even MORE time to talk to a therapist about it. I feel trapped.
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